Tuesday, July 5, 2011

My 9-year-old self would be ashamed

My parents were pretty protective of me growing up.

I was only allowed to ride my bike on the cul-de-sac behind our house and, of course, I always had to wear a helmet. (Once, my mom even made me and my sister wear helmets INSIDE. Tornado warning. The stress of being crammed into the basement powder room with our bike helmets must have really affected my sister. She totally tossed her cookies.)

Every morning before school, my mom walked me to the bus stop (2 houses down the street) until I was old enough to realize that this was SO EMBARRASSING that I begged her to stop. So as a compromise, I walked to the bus stop like a big kid, alone, and my mom stuck her head out the door--watching to be sure that I got on the bus safely. Much better.

Well into my teens, I still wasn't allowed to go to the mall without parental supervision.

And R-rated movies? Uh uh.

I don't remember ever being as upset about not being allowed to see an R-rated as I was about my parents sending me to bed while they watched "The Bodyguard" on HBO.

Excuuuuuuse me. I might have only been nine-years-old, but I knew Whitney was a goddess. (Emphasis on was. Sorry, Whitney. I saw your reality show. Eek!) I had The Bodyguard soundtrack on cassette, which I blasted in my walkman that was bedecked in stick-on gem earrings.

I pitched a fit. I cried. I stomped. It was SO! UNFAIR! I threw myself on my bed and cried the whole time my parents watched the movie in the other room. Or maybe I just cried until I thought they weren't listening to me cry anymore. At that point, I likely retreated to the Barbie Dream House (the one with the elevator) and took out my rage on Western Fun Barbie.

Ugh, what an insufferable b*tch.
I want you and your damn horse out of my FACE!

Anyhow. It just came to my attention that here I am, approaching my 28th birthday, and I STILL haven't seen the movie! Methinks it's about time that I serve my nine-year-old self some justice, Netflix-style. (It's streaming. My nine-year-old self is astounded with how far technology has come. Be kind, rewind.)


B said...

I ALWAYS cried until my parents were out of sight. If they couldn't SEE me, they couldn't HEAR me either! ;)

Definitely a must see!

Jess B-Dubs said...

Spoiler alert! If you build it, they will come. I think.

Kerri W. said...

Hahaha! Loved the 90's kid references in this post. I was all about the stick-on earrings, obviously. I always saved the best ones for a special occasion that never happened. (I'm sure I must have some floating around in a box of old stuff somewhere.)

ANd you MUST see the movie. Fantastic. I didn't see it until I was 16 (it was my gay prom date's favorite movie and introduced me to the glory of The Bodyguard). You'll love it!

Unknown said...

A bit unrelated, but I had that EXACT Barbie. Haha!

Lauren said...

Oh, I totally had that barbie too! Do you see that jacket? That's total 80s goodness.

So, my parents were VERY similar to yours. Just as overprotective. Just as crazy. Only instead of The Bodyguard, it was My Cousin Vinnie. I had no clue what it was about, but because I wasn't allowed to watch it, I NEEDED to. No dice. In college, my friend was watching it. I felt so rebellious grabbing a chair and joining. Once it was done, I called my mom to brag. Her response? "You haven't seen it yet? It's not even that bad." Ugh. Mom.

terra said...

True fact: kids these days don't know what rewinding is because nothing needs be rewound anymore. I read that and then I felt real, real old. Damn that technology stuff moves fast! :)

Melissa Maris said...

I loved that movie and the soundtrack too. You're a baby! I saw it on a date in high school!

Maggie said...

I had to sneek to watch this movie. One of my babysitters would still have me in the room but I had to lay through the whole movie with the covers over my head! GRRRRR!
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