Tuesday, September 15, 2009

I can see your underpants

Mermanda is being kind enough to let me take over her blog today, as I try to avoid being dooced. I, uh, don't want my blog attached to this but I will say that I spell my name with 2 l's. Thanks, Mermanda!

My boss is very difficult to work for. He's brilliant at what he does but is lacking in the social skills. He is very shouty, is what I'm saying. Whenever I need to deal with him directly, I'm on edge. His reactions are completely unpredictable, so it was with trepidation that I asked if I could take an unused filing cabinet from his office to mine. The previous week, my coworker (in an attempt to make my move from one work station to another as easy as possible) moved the filing cabinet. It was empty of anything important, as far as we could tell. A cursory glance revealed a few maps, some plastic bags, and a bunch of empty folders. When my boss saw what we had done he lost his shit. Lots of swearing and indignant sputtering as he dragged the filing cabinet back to his desk.

The next day he told me that I was welcome to the filing cabinet, as long as I asked before moving it.

So I asked for the filing cabinet.

He said okay and told me to come with him as he cleaned it out because he wouldn't be dragging the filing cabinet across the office to my desk. Fair enough. I walked over to his desk and watched as he started pulling junk out of the filing cabinet. He pulled a handful of stuff out of the bottom drawer and there, clutched in his hands with the assorted plastic bags, empty envelopes, and other office junk, is a pair of faded black, brief-style, rumpled (so I'm assuming worn) mens' underpants.

I froze.

He looked up at me to see if I noticed.

I could not look away.

"It's my spare underwear," he said with a straight face.

I threw up in my mouth a little.

So later that night I'm telling this story to my sister and I get to the underpants (underpants!) part and she says, "I keep underpants at work." And I'm all, "what the what?"

SHE KEEPS UNDERPANTS AT WORK.

I have a spare pair of shoes and a drawer full of chocolate. No underpants.

She's got spare underpants and socks and assorted toiletries.

So what I want to know is, who is the crazy one?

19 comments:

Mermanda said...

Ok, I keep spare knee/ankle highs in my desk drawer along with feminine hygiene products and deodorant. That's about the extent of my stash. Therefore, I declare everyone else crazy. (Unless they regularly soil themselves, then they have bigger problems....)

Andrew said...

When I started at my current job, my coworkers all shared an alarming number of "and then I pooped my pants on the way to work" stories, (first of all, doing that sucks. telling everyone about it, is just weird) complete with trips to the drug store next to the office to buy new boxers, so I guess this actually isn't that crazy. Wait, it's still crazy, just a kind of crazy that's more common than I wish to believe.

Tia said...

Hmm, I have nothing of the sort in my desk. 90% of us in the office are women between size 4-8, so we have one stretchy "office skirt" in a closet that fits us all. It is really because we had a few times one of us forgot about a meeting (where we need to look better than our jeans usual), so the skirt is around for that.

jiveturkey said...

OH LULZ. This is comedy gold. GOLD! If I were you, I'd tell him "Look, don't worry about paying me for today, because I just saw your FADED-ASS SPARE WORK UNDERPANTS, and that is compensation enough."

Actually, he should probably pay you MORE for having seen them. Although that would make you some kind of weird looking-at-underpants whore.

The closest I ever got to work underpants was stashing a towel in my drawer when I was 49539463 months pregnant, just in case my water broke at work (it didn't, THANK GOD).

-t said...

you are so UNFAIR! i have never kept spare underpants etc at work because i might soil myself. but many of the jobs i have had involved working through the night and then having to look presentable the next day as i had meetings with grown ups. so i kept spare socks, underpants, shirt, deodorant, face cloth, and other emergency provisions in a drawer. this is not crazy! going to meetings in 36-hour-old underpants is crazy.
-the maligned sister, who, by the way, did not take the opportunity of a family dinner to suggest that you keeping your last name was "unnatural"

Jane said...

I keep feminine hygiene products, deodorant (it's Texas - sometimes you need it), and hand lotion. And sometimes a bag of M&Ms.

adriana said...

I keep tampons, deodorant, a toothbrush, etc at my desk, but no spare clothing. Although, I do have a gym bag that I keep in my car for the 0 times I've gone to the gym this year, so I guess I have a backup if I really need it...

So glad you could rant about your boss and are actively trying to NOT get dooced!

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

Why, oh why would you need extra underpants at work? I just don't see the need.

lifeintheleftlane said...

The extra undies at work is strange, especially if you're a guy. Is he afraid that he might have a #2 accident? Skid marks?

I keep a toothbrush and toothpaste, deodorant and lotion in my desk, along with an arsenal of snacks. And just like Adriana, I drive a gym bag around that I NEVER end up using.

Marie said...

I keep tampons and pads in my drawer. Can't say I've ever kept a pair of undies though.

I guess he's had an "accident" before and wanted to prepared in case he'd had an "accident" again?

Kim said...

I've never heard of keeping spare underpants at work in my entire life. I have snacks and Excedrin and I've had spare shoes and even a cardigan, but never spare underwear. That's just crazy.

Mermanda said...

Kim eats spiders. Pass it on.

BrazenBareToe said...

Eww. I'd totally freak out if I saw my bosses spare pair. Makes me shiver to even think of what my co-workers are stashing at their work areas. They are all over the age of 60 so I'm thinking there might be depends in there.

Kyla Roma said...

What?? lol Oh my gosh- no, I'm filing this in the I don't get it category. If he works out a ton I can see kepeing a gym bag but just loose underwear?

Maybe I'm missing out on something lol

Katelin said...

um i don't think i would ever keep spare underpants at work. probably a good idea but just too weird to do it.

Meg said...

I totally have spare stuff in my CAR, since I'm rarely at work without it, as well as sundry toiletries, etc. No undies though.
BUT when I was a teenager and it was summer, I'd carry spare undies, in case I stayed out all day and all night...I tended to wander off for a couple days at a time...
(PS If your younger sister said it was "unnatural" for you to NOT change your name, I might just want to slap her if I ever met her...Just sayin'...)

ria said...

i have a pair of shoes and some candy and old wedding labels and some books in my desk. no undies tho ;)

MLE said...

That's...really, really creepy. Like, super creepy.

If he knew you wanted the cabinet, why didn't he clean out the drawers ahead of time?

Having worked for a super duper creepy male boss in my past, part of me wonders whether he didn't do that on purpose, to see what sort of a reaction he might get from you. It sounds like a form of harassment to me.

I bring gym clothes with me every day (because I go to the gym, yo) and sometimes there's a spare pair of underpants, but I don't keep any in my desk at work or anything.

Mel Heth said...

This is a fantastic post. I had no idea. But Andrew's comment cleared it all up for me and made me choke on my soda a little.