Thursday, July 2, 2009

Deadly safety precaution

To build upon yesterday's stick-on earring nostalgia, today I will tell you one of my favorite stories from my childhood.

At the height of the slap bracelet craze, my parents took mine away from me after reading reports about their possible dangers. Kids were cutting themselves when the metal insert slipped out of the cloth exterior. I was not pleased. My hot-pink slap bracelet bespeckled with smiley faces was at that point my favorite accessory. It was then that I learned an important lesson: parents are lame.

One evening my parents dropped me and my sister off at my grandparents' house so they could enjoy an evening out on the town. When they returned to pick us up that night, they came bearing a surprise for me.

"Honey, look what we got you! It's a slap bracelet. But it's safe because it's covered in this thick stitching!"

Thinking back on it, it was ugly. It resembled a hideous sweater. But! It was a slap bracelet. And with it around my wrist, I was back to being "a cool kid." It was a giant win for my parents.

That is... until my dad "demonstrated" the slap bracelet's precautionary design.

Attaching it around his wrist with a satisfying "slap," my dad let out a yelp.

"Oh! Oh my God! I'm bleeding!"

My dad, always a kidder.

We laughed.

He ran from my grandma's living room to the kitchen--so as to not get blood all over the furniture. (Grandma's wrath is a MUCH bigger problem than a slit wrist... trust me.)

Wow, dad is really putting on a show! Okay, dad. Ha-ha. Good one. Now can we please go home so I can watch Nick at Night?
(No cable at the grandparents' house.)

That's when we all realized he was gushing blood into the kitchen sink. The "safe" slap bracelet had ripped him apart. Off to the emergency room he went for stitches.

In the waiting room, a man asked my dad what had happened to him. When he explained the situation, the man was appalled.

"For God's sakes, man! At least lie and say it was a power tool injury--or something else manly!"

As you can guess, I never was allowed to wear another slap bracelet. Which is kind of unfortunate... because even Jesus loves slap bracelets.


amber said...

I loved snap bracelets. I remember I had a bright pink one with black penguins.


Oats said...

That's awesome! I've never heard of a slap bracelet injury before! Other than bruising and such.

Mine was bright fluorescent orange. It started to green around the edges as it got old. I had a few others but that was the only one I wore regularly.


Jenn said...

I love that the guy in the hospital told him to man up!

Anonymous said...

Goodness... I never realized that those slap bracelets could be so harsh complete with a trip to the ER. Whoa!

Maxie said...

better him than you! we can't have anything hurting baby mermanda!

Anonymous said...

That's hilarious.

A slap bracelet can be a power tool though, right?

Anticelebrity said...

That's so funny!!

(I hope your dad was ok).

Has he got a slap bracelet scar now?

Hillary said...

my brother totally slit his wrist with a slap bracelet ... in a store ... the store clerk made my mom buy it

Lacey Bean said...

OMG that's hilarious/awful. I had a ton of slap bracelets. When schools started banning them I luckily had a plastic one that I could get away with wearing. :)

Pretty Unfamous said...

Hahahaha I love that story. Your dad had to get stitches because of a "SAFETY" slap bracelet!!!

Unknown said...

that story is CRAZY! I never had a problem with mine.. thank goodness!

alyssa said...

No way!!!! I didn't know they could do where can I get some? Totally kidding ;)

Katelin said...

haha oh man that's crazy. i loved my slap bracelets, luckily they never sent me to the hospital.

Kyla Roma said...

Good lord! Mine were always all plastic inside, maybe they mellowed them after these kinds of accidents?

I had oodles of these, and I would be much more pro-slap bracelet than pro-scrunchie for the record =)

Sarah said...

I thought that was an urban legend, but your dad is proof that it really did happen. Nutty.
I had a NKOTB one.

sarah marie p said...

Um. This is the best story of all time. LOVE!!! I seriously can't believe this happened. Oh man. Too hilarious!