Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Psychic Nudists And Much More

This evening my landlord showed our place to several potential renters--as we're moving out mid-June. The first person showed up fifteen minutes early so we decided to show her around while we waited for our landlord to arrive.

At the conclusion of our tour, we chatted in the living room like old friends.

Her: (Realizing why this part of the neighborhood is familar) Oh, I was at a psychic across the street!

Me: (Pointing) There? On the first or second floor?

Her: Second.

Me: THE FLOOFS!? (Side note: There are neighbors across the street from us who circle their living room for hours. It is a very weird scene. Through the old windows, the old man has what appears to be a GIGANTIC head. The first night we lived here I stood on my bed in the dark, watching him pace around his living room, with that huge head full of fluffy gray hair. I was laughing so hard, barely able to answer Andrew when he asked what I was doing. "HIS HEAD IS SO BIG! IT'S THE BIGGEST HEAD I'VE EVER SEEN! THIS CAN'T BE REAL! IS THIS A DREAM!? HAHAHAHAHAHHA!" Andrew asked if I was on drugs, to which I likely replied, "DO YOU SEE HIS HEAD!? IT'S ENORMOUS! I'M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO SLEEP. I NEED TO WATCH HIM AND HIS BIG FLUFFY HEAD FOREVER. THIS CAN'T BE REAL!" Sadly, my plan when was foiled when "The Floof" seemed to sense me watching him in the night. He turned off his living room light and disappeared into the darkness--leaving me wondering if it had all been a dream come morning.)

Her: (Blank stare)

Me: The Floofs are the people who live in that apartment. Through the windows it looks like they have gigantic heads, but what's really disappointing is that when we see them on the street, their heads are normal-sized. But they're real weird.

Her: They ARE really weird! They used to have a psychic reading place down the street but now they do it out of their house.

Me: Psychic? NO WONDER HE ALWAYS KNOWS WHEN I'M WATCHING HIM! This explains so much!

Later in the conversation, I had the good sense to start talking at length about the Craigslist killer when she mentioned she found out about our available apartment on CL. If that wasn't a bad enough small talk choice, I decided to follow up my Craigslist killer portion of the conversation by asking her where she lives. Hah! Glad to know I have a special gift when it comes to making strangers feel at ease in my home. She was probably shocked when we didn't tie her up in the basement...

SPEAKING OF THE BASEMENT!

Andrew just dropped a bomb on me during dinner. While we were discussing my smooth small talk, he brought up this exchange they had as he showed her the basement:

Him: This is basically a good place to drink and play drums.

Her: Oh, okay... I guess this is a good place to drink and clean guns.

Yeah, he didn't bother correcting her.

P.S. She also told us The Floofs used to live in a nudist colony. You really can't make this stuff up.

21 comments:

Tattooed Dorothy said...

Quite possibly the most random and strangest blog I've read to date. And yet, I was completely intruiged the entire time!

So do you think she'll be moving in soon?! (:

Rae said...

Lol! I totally need a place to clean my massive artillery stash.

I wonder if your heads look incredibly small to the Floofs?

Deutlich said...

I LOVE YOUR HOUSE SO MUCH IT'S RIDICULOUS!

But I'm also very excited for you that you're getting new digs!!!

Tam said...

I love this post. When we sell our house next year before residency I am going to have these conversations with people.

me: Yeah my husband is medical student, like the one on craigs list.

I will also show him that he has the SAME book that the craiglist killer stored his gun in.

Hillary said...

I love it.

leni said...

random and hilarious!

Lauren said...

I want crazy neighbors like that!!

Mel Heth said...

I bet it's hard to read minds when you're looking at someone's hoo-haa.

Steph said...

Okay between the psychic, giant heads, nudist colony, and cleaning guns... THERE'S JUST TOO MUCH TO SAY! Lol!

Mermanda said...

Seriously, Steph! I'm feeling deeply disappointed with my readers today. Only nine comments on a post about nudist psychics with giant heads? What's wrong with you people? I'm giving you my best material!

April said...

Hi Amanda! We loved your place and might rent it if no one else has claimed it after our appointments this weekend. The Floofs (I'm picturing walking Q-tips) sound hilarious but what are the neighbors right next to you like? Do they have a dog that cries all day until they come home? My husband works from home so a howling dog would not be good.

Mermanda said...

April! I'm guessing you found this through Karen? The next door neighbors have only lived there for about a month... they just finished renovating that side of the duplex not long ago. But for what it is worth, they are either extremely quiet or the walls are very sound proof. They've never complained about our noise (and we can be rowdy... especially when I'm singing Carly Simon at 7 a.m. at the top of my lungs and Andrew has to remind me that we have neighbors for the first time in ten months...)

Anyhow, they don't have any pets but there's a yappy "Frasier" type dog two doors down that barks at pretty much everything it encounters. That's when you look at it really sternly, make sure "its people" aren't around, and tell it to SHUT THE EFF UP! (It's not as bad as I'm making it sound. Trust me.)

April said...

Thank you! I don't know where Karen is -- I thought Peru but now I'm guessing Mars -- but she had told me about your engagement video, which I easily found (congratulations!!), and that led me to your blog. Don't you love the Web? Okay, so I think we can take the Frasier dog. If you think of anything else we should know could you let me know? Drew (Andrew) wants me to ask if the utility bills are outrageous. He's responsible and I'm like "It's got good vibes! It's got another Andrew and another writer!"

mieletcannelle said...

alright. First time reader. Hooked. xo
But then, the psychic-ness probably rubbed off and you knew that I would be.

Sarah said...

That part about the basement is cracking me up!

rambleicious said...

You need to get pictures of his enormous fluffy head before you move - that way you can take a little piece of the Floofs with you. ;-)

Maxie said...

HAHAHAHA omg you guys must have freaked her out so much. especially b/c he said the "clean guns" think so nonchalantly. i'm dying.

your wishcake. said...

"Through the windows it looks like they have gigantic heads, but what's really disappointing is that when we see them on the street, their heads are normal-sized."

Hahahaha! Seriously, we need to hang out - you are too hilarious! I love it.

:)

*jimaie.marie* said...

ive reread this post 3 times over the past 3 days and it still hasn't ceased to make me die of laughter over what must have been going on in that poor womans head!! LOL!!! ohhh man, i love it.

sarah marie p said...

Eeeek! Most hilarious blog ever! Laughing out loud at the gigantic-head old man! And that their name is "the Floofs"! Awesomeeee! And psychic? And nudes?! WHOaaaaaa!

"a good place to drink and clean guns" -- haha!

Love it!

little erin said...

AWESOME!
we need updates as to whether or not she moves there.