This evening my landlord showed our place to several potential renters--as we're moving out mid-June. The first person showed up fifteen minutes early so we decided to show her around while we waited for our landlord to arrive.
At the conclusion of our tour, we chatted in the living room like old friends.
Her: (Realizing why this part of the neighborhood is familar) Oh, I was at a psychic across the street!
Me: (Pointing) There? On the first or second floor?
Me: THE FLOOFS!? (Side note: There are neighbors across the street from us who circle their living room for hours. It is a very weird scene. Through the old windows, the old man has what appears to be a GIGANTIC head. The first night we lived here I stood on my bed in the dark, watching him pace around his living room, with that huge head full of fluffy gray hair. I was laughing so hard, barely able to answer Andrew when he asked what I was doing. "HIS HEAD IS SO BIG! IT'S THE BIGGEST HEAD I'VE EVER SEEN! THIS CAN'T BE REAL! IS THIS A DREAM!? HAHAHAHAHAHHA!" Andrew asked if I was on drugs, to which I likely replied, "DO YOU SEE HIS HEAD!? IT'S ENORMOUS! I'M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO SLEEP. I NEED TO WATCH HIM AND HIS BIG FLUFFY HEAD FOREVER. THIS CAN'T BE REAL!" Sadly, my plan when was foiled when "The Floof" seemed to sense me watching him in the night. He turned off his living room light and disappeared into the darkness--leaving me wondering if it had all been a dream come morning.)
Her: (Blank stare)
Me: The Floofs are the people who live in that apartment. Through the windows it looks like they have gigantic heads, but what's really disappointing is that when we see them on the street, their heads are normal-sized. But they're real weird.
Her: They ARE really weird! They used to have a psychic reading place down the street but now they do it out of their house.
Me: Psychic? NO WONDER HE ALWAYS KNOWS WHEN I'M WATCHING HIM! This explains so much!
Later in the conversation, I had the good sense to start talking at length about the Craigslist killer when she mentioned she found out about our available apartment on CL. If that wasn't a bad enough small talk choice, I decided to follow up my Craigslist killer portion of the conversation by asking her where she lives. Hah! Glad to know I have a special gift when it comes to making strangers feel at ease in my home. She was probably shocked when we didn't tie her up in the basement...
SPEAKING OF THE BASEMENT!
Andrew just dropped a bomb on me during dinner. While we were discussing my smooth small talk, he brought up this exchange they had as he showed her the basement:
Him: This is basically a good place to drink and play drums.
Her: Oh, okay... I guess this is a good place to drink and clean guns.
Yeah, he didn't bother correcting her.
P.S. She also told us The Floofs used to live in a nudist colony. You really can't make this stuff up.