Thursday, February 5, 2009

RAYGE

Background information: Facebook ruined Andrew's plans to surprise me with Ray LaMontagne tickets by sending me an e-mail from the iLike application--alerting me of the show.

Me: Ray LaMontagne is coming to Pittsburgh!!! We have to go!
Andrew: Dammit! You weren't supposed to know that! Now what am I supposed to get you for Valentine's Day?
Me: You sure as hell still better buy me those tickets, you idiot!
(We love each other.)


I received this e-mail from him this morning:

Subject: GAHHHHH BAH GRRRRRRRR!
From: Andrew

I'M SO [BLEEP] MADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

The Ray Lamontagne tickets were supposed to go on sale tomorrow at 10 [BLEEP] A.M. so I went to the theater's site today to make sure that they were going to be up tomorrow and everything and I discovered that THEY HAVE ALREADY BEEN ON SALE SOMEHOW. I HAVE NEVER BEEN MADDER IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. Every single goddamn seat that is good seems to be sold already. I WANT TO PUNCH SOMEBODY IN THEIR FACE! [BLEEP]! AND THEN! AND THENNNNNNNNN! I TRIED TO PURCHASE WHAT SEEMED LIKE DECENT SEATS IN THE BALCONY, BUT THEY HAVE LITTLE STUPID ROWS OF 3!!!! 3! WHAT THE [BLEEP] IS A ROW OF THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE????? YOU AREN'T ALLOWED TO BUY ONLY TWO TICKETS IN THE ROWS OF 3 BECAUSE THAT LEAVES ONLY ONE SEAT LEFT FOR SOME ASSSSSSSSSSSSHOOOOOOOOLLLLLLE. AMANDA I'M GOING TO MURDER SOMEONE. MUR-DER THEM!

Tell me what you want me to do. There are seats available in the LOGE section, which is theater code for [BLEEP] [BLEEP] SEATS. They are all the [BLEEP] way back on the floor like pretty much in the [BLEEP] LOBBBBBY. THERE ARE ALSO some seats open in the balcony or other terrible places. [BLEEP] A. I'm really sorry about this, I was so [BLEEP] EXCITED to get you amazing seats up by the stage. I had the [BLEEP] THING bookmarked and an email reminder set so I would be the first person to buy them tomorrow morning. I HATE MYSELF. And I HATE THE PALACE THEATER.

The way I see it there are two options:
1. Buy shitty tickets and boo really loudly the whole time we're there.
2. Kill someone.
3. Kill everyone.

Your choice.
[BLEEP].

-Andrew

P.S. Please disregard this email. In my rage I purchased us two balcony seats that I believe will not be too terrible. If they are, I'm going to go down to the orchestra level and punch every single person sitting there IN THE FACE.

I love you! Happy Valentine's Day.

34 comments:

Ben said...

I booked Jason a massage on Valentine's Day.

Then he went and booked one for the day before.

Goddamnit.

Allison said...

I laughed so freaking hard reading this. Andrews are the best, are they not? I really needed to read something like this right now. Thanks Amanda and Happy early Valentine's Day!

Jossie Posie said...

Awwww, that e-mail was so romantic. I want someone who will punch everyone seated in the Orchestra section in the face for me.

Does Andrew per chance have any friends who are single and live in the Miami area?

Lily said...

I love this! I mean, I'm sorry it didn't work out the way he'd planned, but he's effing hilarious and you two are adorable!

kwərk said...

Ok, so hilarious! I think it's kind of sweet that he got so mad that he couldn't give you exactly what he wanted to!

G and my birthdays are back to back, the 22nd and the 23rd, and I was thinking about doing something really nice which turned out to be more than was a good idea to spend...then I found out he was going to try and do the same thing! So, it's our thoughts that count. :)

Deutlich said...

best email evar

Meghan said...

That email should be made into a Hallmark card.

Gwen said...

Andrew is hilarious! I still think you should boo and punch people.

alyssa said...

Whoooa that's hilarious, and sweet :D PS, don't you love those iLike emails??? :)

Lauren said...

That's the best e-mail EVER. At least you're going afterall...right?

Hillary said...

I choose 3. Kill everyone.

Lindsay said...

That's a freakin' great email. I'm sure you guys will have a good time whether Andrew ends up kicking the shit out of innocent concert-goers or not.

Lacey Bean said...

That is hilarious! Sounds like an email I would send. :)

Gretchen said...

Haha! Andrew is awesome. Also, you're going to love the concert. I saw him in November and he's AMAZING live.

Brandy said...

Oh man, this totally cracked me up. Best email ever, I agree with everyone else!

Kyla Bea said...

lol! Oh wow, I'm glad that there won't be violence on the scale that he threatened, for all our sakes! ; )

And that you still get to go!

Tam said...

this seriously cracked me up, and since it happens to be "people you want to punch in the face week" I think Andrew is in luck.

This one's a keeper!

Arjewtino said...

I like his rage.

*jimaie.marie* said...

omg i love your andrew LOL!!! i was laughing so flippin hard while reading this, he is the best!! LMAO!!

Have a fantastic Valentines!!!!!

longredcape said...

I think Andrew and I are the same person.

Katelin said...

haha aw. at least he put so much effort into it. hope you have a great time at the show anyways :)

LeniStav said...

That is the BEST email ever! <3

sarah marie p said...

Oh man, Andrew is so freakin hilarious! This email of his was a hoot!

You guys are going to have the best time at the concert! And, even though the surprise was ruined a little bit, it was so sweet of Andrew to think of this for Vday! YAY! d

michelle woo said...

Wow, he's a passionate one. I kinda wanna fight someone now.

Angela said...

I think, for Valentine's Day, you should pay for a round of anger therapy sessions for Andrew....

bFlat said...

What a happy email to open up! Hope the concert is wonderful.

jenniferalaine said...

this is hilarious. and awesome. and i had a lot of fun trying to fill in the BLEEPs with the swear word i thought was there :) also, i've seen ray lamontagne in concert (he opened for john mayer trio at the house of blues in chicago a few years ago) and it was awesomeeee so any seats are worth going for! have fun!

Tattooed Dorothy said...

:) This totally cracked me up! (And I'll admit, I was trying to fill in the bleeps with good cuss words!)

Matt's Valentine's Day gift is safely hidden in my trunk. We'll see how well that turns out!

ria said...

that is so hilarious. i hope your seats are awesome! wouldn't want anyone to get punched

Jamie said...

hahahaha I love it. Andrew and Amanda rock.

Too bad I'm kidnapping you when you visit this summer and the only way Andrew will get you back is if he packs up and moves here too.

True story.

Dwight said...

HAHAHA! Love it. You've got yourself a real keeper there, Merm. Now if would only actually murder for you, then he would be the perfect future spouse. Bwaahahaha! No, seriously, though, he would be. Tee hee. No, really.

Renee said...

Best email ever. :D You've got yourself a real keeper!

Sarah said...

um that is awesome! So awesome I read it twice!

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