The following statements are 100% true and Mermanda-approved.
1. In the five issues of The Printed Blog to date, there is definitely a total of EIGHT BOOBS and possibly a NINTH--depending on your definition of the word "boob." That's a lot of boobs. Possibly many more boobs than necessary. But I'll leave that up to you to judge. Are 8-9 boobs too many? Not enough? Answer below.
2. Andrew has a new blog. It's a cooking blog. I'd recommend you watch his video if any of the following apply to you: you are bored, you like to cook, you enjoy watching weird people on the Internet, you want to hear me sing a duet with Andrew. Go watch. I'll wait.
3. There is SOMETHING WEIRD on my blog! Get it off! Kill it! I knew I shouldn't have left the bamboo on my blog overnight. Crap. [Want to see something cool? Drag the bottom right corner of the browser up towards the top left corner of the screen. Mind blowing, right?]
4. Twitter makes me have weird dreams about yogurt.
5. When Hillary and I hit the lottery in our respective countries, we will purchase and wear matching monocles.
6. I have a hell of a time trying to spell monocle. I swear there should be another letter between the c and l. Jeeze.
7. I'm on page 516 of New Moon and back in love with Edward. Dammit.
8. I will buy Drew a beer if he fixes my ibook. If he doesn't, I will buy MYSELF a beer. And cry. And then dry my eyes and get my butt to the Apple Store and buy a shiny new Macbook. Happy Day! (Ok, but for real, Drew, please fix it. Kthxbai.)
9. If you are one of those people who hate learning the dirty truth about "reality tv" now is the time to skip to number 10. I know someone who was on an episode of HGTV's Property Virgins. One of my favorite shows, okay, kids? I worship Sandra. I can recognize her voice from another room as easily as the voice of my own mother. But I have some bad news for everyone. That show is a sham! (HGTV, I will take this off my blog in exchange for casting me on one of your shows. Thanks.) The woman and her husband on this particular episode already owned the house they were "seeing for the first time" on the show. It's freaking pretend! I HATE YOU, SANDRA. I HATE YOU.
10. I added this little thing to the bottom of my work e-mail signature:
"Please don't print this e-mail unless you really need to."
Now tell me, if you saw that on the bottom of someone's signature, would your reaction be:
"What a little snobby jerkface! I'm printing this thing right this second to show her who is boss!"
Or more along the lines of this:
"She treasures our natural resources. She's nice."
Tell me. Please. Don't hold back. I can take it.
*Title refers to #10--not #1. I'm among the small army of bloggers who've granted permission for The Printed Blog to use our work.