Thursday, February 26, 2009

Don't print this blog unless you really need to*

The following statements are 100% true and Mermanda-approved.

1. In the five issues of The Printed Blog to date, there is definitely a total of EIGHT BOOBS and possibly a NINTH--depending on your definition of the word "boob." That's a lot of boobs. Possibly many more boobs than necessary. But I'll leave that up to you to judge. Are 8-9 boobs too many? Not enough? Answer below.

2. Andrew has a new blog. It's a cooking blog. I'd recommend you watch his video if any of the following apply to you: you are bored, you like to cook, you enjoy watching weird people on the Internet, you want to hear me sing a duet with Andrew. Go watch. I'll wait.

3. There is SOMETHING WEIRD on my blog! Get it off! Kill it! I knew I shouldn't have left the bamboo on my blog overnight. Crap. [Want to see something cool? Drag the bottom right corner of the browser up towards the top left corner of the screen. Mind blowing, right?]

4. Twitter makes me have weird dreams about yogurt.

5. When Hillary and I hit the lottery in our respective countries, we will purchase and wear matching monocles.

6. I have a hell of a time trying to spell monocle. I swear there should be another letter between the c and l. Jeeze.

7. I'm on page 516 of New Moon and back in love with Edward. Dammit.

8. I will buy Drew a beer if he fixes my ibook. If he doesn't, I will buy MYSELF a beer. And cry. And then dry my eyes and get my butt to the Apple Store and buy a shiny new Macbook. Happy Day! (Ok, but for real, Drew, please fix it. Kthxbai.)

9. If you are one of those people who hate learning the dirty truth about "reality tv" now is the time to skip to number 10. I know someone who was on an episode of HGTV's Property Virgins. One of my favorite shows, okay, kids? I worship Sandra. I can recognize her voice from another room as easily as the voice of my own mother. But I have some bad news for everyone. That show is a sham! (HGTV, I will take this off my blog in exchange for casting me on one of your shows. Thanks.) The woman and her husband on this particular episode already owned the house they were "seeing for the first time" on the show. It's freaking pretend! I HATE YOU, SANDRA. I HATE YOU.

10. I added this little thing to the bottom of my work e-mail signature:

"Please don't print this e-mail unless you really need to."

Now tell me, if you saw that on the bottom of someone's signature, would your reaction be:

"What a little snobby jerkface! I'm printing this thing right this second to show her who is boss!"

Or more along the lines of this:

"She treasures our natural resources. She's nice."

Tell me. Please. Don't hold back. I can take it.

*Title refers to #10--not #1. I'm among the small army of bloggers who've granted permission for The Printed Blog to use our work.


Lauren said...

I LOVE that you kept the categories! Definite boob vs. possible boob is serious business. We must get to the bottom of it. Let's contact the photographer.

I can't believe we haven't talked about New Moon yet. I'm messaging you in .5 seconds.

Also, my iBook died a while ago as well. I heart my new MacBook, even if paying for it was a bit of a drag*.

* - I'm so happy I used the word "drag" today.

Your Word Verification is: Amandaisthecoolestpersonever

Wow! (Okay not really, but it should be)

Maxie said...

I wouldn't print it, but not because of the environment... because I hate paper!

TOO MANY BOOBS. Don't even get me started. I mean boobs are fine and all (yes, I know all of the guys are going to say BRING ON THE BOOBS) but I don't really want to have something that I can't read in a public place. I thought about showing it to my coworkers, but uh... the boobs? that kind of ruins it all. I know it's art and all, but it makes things really complicated, especially when you're trying to sneak it at work. Provocative pictures are one thing... but full on tit? no thank you.

Lexilooo said...

Property Virgins is a sham?! Noooo! How so? How does it work? How do they stage it? Now I am so curious, I love this show!

B said...

I think i like the boobs.

and if you predecess (sp?) that email ending with an explanation that you like to preserve natural resources, I totally wouldn't print it unless necessary


B said...

ps: i'm ok w/the boobies because i'd show my momsies, my coworkers and anyone who wanted to look.

... but i'm also German

there are boobies in teen mags there.

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

OMG Pandafy, I love it! I need to find more!

Unknown said...

I have "Please consider the environment before printing this email" below my signature. So basically, I think you are super awesome for having that.

Arielle said...

I agree with Maxie, I prefer my publications to be...NOT something I'd be embarrassed to be seen with. Or to open unexpectedly during class. Ahem. Also, I totally wouldn't print the email but I do think there's a more tactful way of phrasing that than "unless you really need to." My last job asked us to write something like "please consider the environment before printing this email" and I thought that was pretty nice. Even though I didn't put it in my signature. Heh.

Hillary said...

I didn't win the lottery last night. No monocle for me. Sigh. Do you think that when we win, and wear our monocles, people will mistake us for Mr. Peanut? Is Mr. Peanut rich? Should he really be wearing a monocle?
My word verification is nelth. It's what happens when you don't win the lottery. You have no wealth. Nelth.

KatieSaysSo said...

I need to sit here for a moment with what you just told me about Property Virgins and let it sink it. I am NOT happy about it!!!!

Lindsay said...

I'm a big fan of your email signature. When I think about the number of trees my office goes through every month I get very upset.

alyssa said...

Hahahaa yogurt!!!

What the heck about that show! I love that show too!! I always wondered how so many people happened to be on that show at just the right time...everything seemed to happen in a timely manner. NOT like real life. PHOEY!

S.Vincent said...

when I first read it, I thought "is she some sort of security freak? Why can't I print it? Maybe she is telling me a huge secret that I can never share?"

So I would just add Lets Save the Planet! to "Don't print this E-mail unless you really need to."

That makes it more clear and I will no longer be afraid to send you emails containing humorous bad language out of fear that you'll get fired.

Anonymous said...

1. I do not mind the boobies one bit. However, a heads up would've been nice as I do access TPB at work. But boobies are preeeetty.
2. I will certainly check out that video when I get home as I do not have speakers on my computer at work (which is fine by me), so I won't get the full effect.
3. You should REALLY check out cornify[dot]com.
7. Oh, just you wait til you get into the next ones.
8. I used to have "please consider the environment before printing this email," but I saw that a lot so I think people are used to it by now. Or at least have seen it once. You go girl!

Unknown said...

okay I thought the same thing about the boobs in the printed blog. lol. Like seriously, is that what all blogs are about? Poor representation of bloggers.

My work mandates this at the bottom of each email "Please consider the environment before printing." in green :) hehe it's cute

Lisa from Lisa's Yarns said...

I have gotten emails w/ that same signature line & I always think - good idea! I hate it when people print everything. We have this guy at work that literally prints every email he gets. Like, even one from his wife that says, 'pick up the kids from daycare.' Whoa, dude, if you needed to print that, you should NOT have procreated.

That is sad to hear about Property Virgins. The same is true for House Hunters. People have already closed on a house when they film the show. How ridiculous, huh? :( Boo, HGTV.

thatShortchick said...

the same is true about the show, my first home. like everyone says, there is nothing "real" about reality shows.

yeah, the boobies in the newest issue of the printed blog were NSFW and i wish they would've printed that at the top somewhere.

also, i love your signature line. i think it's a good idea. i didn't know people printed emails en masse like that.

Katelin said...

haha that panda thing is awesome. definitely passing that onto people right this second, :)

Kyla Bea said...

I think the next issue of the printed blog is the perfect time for my LESS BOOBS, MORE MANACLES! campaign to kick off.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you should wear the monocle now, in order to attract the winning lottery ticket. I bet that's how Mr. Peanut did it. He was probably working at the circus until he found one one day and tried it on... I sense a novel coming on.

Anonymous said...

I hate the boobs. Pretty much the whole rest of the team does too except one. He pulls rank though.

I'm almost positive there will be no more boob in TPB. Well at least that's what he tells us.

Melissa Maris said...

As a composter and a Prius driver, I love that you put that at the bottom of your emails. :)

Anonymous said...

I always want to spell monocle as mononcale. No idea why.

I wanted to put "If you print this email, you're a dirty tree killer." on the bottom of my emails, but the Powers That Be at work said no. :(

Also - love the panda! So cute!

ÄsK AliCë said...

I like the "Please consider the environment before printing this email" it gives a reason for why you don't want them to print it. That's what I used to have under my signature.

The panda showed up but nothing happened when I click and dragged - is it supposed to??

Anonymous said...

There are zero boobs in issue 6 of The Printed Blog.

We're getting on his case more about them. For the record, we don't have final say in the editorial process. Right now, boobs are out. But when communities are able to vote on the content, they may vote in the boobs.

Lindsey said...

I gotta apologize cause it kinda annoys me when people discuss printing emails in their signature.

Who prints emails?

Do people do that shit for serious?

Lindsey said...

You said: Howdy. If you don't know people print e-mails b/c it's "easier" to read them... I'm going to say you work with a crowd that is predominantly younger than 45. I work in an office where most of my colleagues are gearing up for retirement. And yes, they print e-mails. :D

Me says: Ya, you're correct, I work with young-ish people. I now have a new appreciation for "Do not print this email" signatures now. I can't believe people are printing them off so they can read them. Maybe it's time for some monitor magnifying panels or something!

Yay! I love learning new things :)

Nice to meet you btw.