Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The one where I have an epiphany

My parents and Andrew's parents were not happy with our menu selections of tacos, sushi, and pasta. And you know what? I don't blame them. Because I realized something about the wedding I'm planning. It turns out it isn't about me and Andrew after all. It's about pleasing distant relatives whom I've seen enough times to count on one hand in the past ten years.

There are going to be some changes. Big changes. I am stressed about how the families will accept these changes, but excited at the prospect of putting the focus back on us.

That's all I'm going to say for now. Andrew wants me to think our decision over for a week to be sure it's not something we'll later regret.

Tonight I'm watching my new digitally remastered version of "The Little Mermaid" to take away some of this stress from being a soon-to-be-married-adult.

Kthxbai.

29 comments:

Rachel said...

Things I learned about my wedding;

I picked awesome food but was too busy to enjoy it

The miserable people that we tried to make happy were still miserable

Have fun!

Kyla Bea said...

Yea....this is such a tough one.

I think figuring out what you want to tell the family about it and when you want to tell them is a huge deal.

Good luck!

Maris said...

Tacos, sushi abd pasta? What's not to like? There is something there for everyone!

alyssa said...

Do what you want or you'll regret it, that's what I say!!!

Meghan said...

As someone not married, not dating and not planning a wedding, I think your menu sounds eclectic and fantastic! (but can see the dilemma).

Mel Heth said...

I'm dying to hear about the changes. Whenever I think about planning a wedding, it stresses me out.

You're exactly right - it should be about YOU and what YOU like - not what anyone else likes.

I hope you figure it all out. :)

Lily said...

I want your menu! Good luck making these decisions and staying true to yourself. This is your day and you'll only do it once. Do it your way :)

Hillary said...

my mom hated - HATED - that we had burgers and corn on the cob but in the end, so many people commented on our awesome menu that she wasn't bitter about it

it was a struggle though - trying to find a balance between what we wanted and what others wanted. especially when others contributed financially.

be strong but pick your battles

Jossie Posie said...

I think I have already told you this but when I was planning my wedding I refused to cave under parental pressure.

If the person wasn't important or an active part of our lives then it didn't matter what my parents wanted. Yes this may seem a bit crazy but you know what...Its your day. Yours and Andrew's. No matter what you do someone will be unhappy so you may as well please yourselves and screw everyone else.

At the end of the day you want to look back and be happy with the memories you made on that day, not regret caving to what every one else wanted.

Sophia said...

the little mermaid, especially a digitally remastered version, is just the thing at a times like this :)

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

I am a big believer that your wedding is exactly that, YOURS. Make it the way you want it, forget what anyone says.

Arielle said...

Um, tacos, sushi and pasta? Can I come to this wedding? It sounds way better than the sub-par steak they serve at every other wedding!

Katelin said...

i say you guys do what you want to do, it's your wedding and your day and everyone else should just deal with it :)

Angela said...

I might pop Aladdin into the vcr tonight!

rialeilani said...

ah! i want to buy the little mermaid...crap i'm going to forget and it's going to go back in the d*mn vault.

about your wedding...do what you want. it is your day. i can see how it would be difficult. hang in there!

iartaday.com said...

the little mermaid! i should watch that tonight!!!

also: sorry you're having issues with the wedding planning. sometimes i think we live in a culture that doesn't get wrapped up in all of those tradational details anymore, but remember that it's really just this generation. on the bright side - your desert spread sounds so mouthwateringly fantastic! hope it irons out.

Also, did i miss it? have you set a date yet?

Tattooed Dorothy said...

Um yes, I think I missed the date too! Unfortunately I learned that my wedding was the biggest party I'd throw for EVERYONE ELSE! I hardly got to taste the food we spent so long picking out. And I spent so much time trying to talk to everyone that I hardly danced at all. That's the one thing I'd change if I could!

Dan said...

Speaking as someone who thought it would be a small wedding and ended up with 350 people - do what *you* want. It is your day and will live in your memory for a lot of years.

michelle woo said...

You are so Ariel. "You want thingamabobs? I got 20." Say it!

sleepyjane said...

Most weddings I've been to have played it safe to please everyone and you know what? Most of them were very boring!

I say go for what you want, you're getting married after all! And I bet if you do that, your wedding is going to be anything but boring!

Lauren said...

When my friend Joe got married, he rented speakers and played all of his music through his ibook, rather than hiring a DJ. I mentioned this to my mom, saying I really liked the idea. She replied, "yeah, but you're not doing it."

I'm glad my mom has already planned my future wedding.

I hate that it seems like you have to make others happy for your OWN wedding. Make yourself happy. Have your sushi and eat it too!

This is all coming from someone who isn't engaged, of course. :)

Alexis M. said...

The families should be happy with what you decide, because it's about them celebrating something with you. Something I'm trying to work out myself... ;)

adriana said...

Do what makes you and Andrew the happiest, because that's the point, right?

I think I might just elope.

And then have a kick ass reception with whatever kind of food we want, some flowers, and some music.

SoMi's Nilsa said...

I remember going through this quite well - having to pick something we liked or something someone else liked instead. My husband and I tried to keep our wedding as much "us" as possible ... we wanted to reflect who we are as a couple ... especially to those relatives/friends we don't get to see very often and who might not know who we are as adults. Having said that, on more than one occasion, we made decisions to make our parents happy. (Though, not every decision made them happy.) We decided to do things or include things we wouldn't have necessarily done on our own, but we knew how much it meant to our parents (and only our parents). Decisions for everyone else? There were none. Either people were coming to the wedding to support us and have a good time. Or they weren't. And ya know what? We had one kick ass wedding. And I haven't heard of one person who has said otherwise! Good luck with this decision!

Rae said...

Oh :(

My parents didn't really have a wedding. They had a "hey mom, by the way, I got married while I was in China for school".

Actually, I've never been to a wedding O.o All of our family members either got married before I was born or didn't bother getting married at all. Way to go, guys.

Now pick up that phone and tell your mom everything's going to go YOUR way or she has to wear an ugly dress that you pick out :P

rachel said...

GO YOU. your wedding SHOULD be about the two of you and not pleasing a thousand people that are only showing up for the free food.

all of this is exactly why i'm getting married in the bahamas. :)

sarah marie p said...

SO glad to hear you guys are going to make sure the wedding is about you guys and not pleasing random relatives. It's your wedding and you have to do what's important to the two of you. It's one of the few occasions in life where it really is all about you! I hope "The Little Mermaid" helped and that the rest of your wedding planning is as stress-free as possible. xoxo

Steph said...

This may sound impossible but the wedding is NOT something to stress out over. I would pick the food that you like because you are barely going to have time to eat so the little bit you do get a chance to eat should be something you love and something you will remember.

That day people will not be complaining to you (Hopefully! IF they do, sock them in the jaw!) and after the wedding you will be so happy in married bliss you will not give a ....

Non Sequitur Chica said...

Your wedding day is about YOU not relatives. If your parents are helping foot the bill for the wedding I could understand allowing their input. If not, screw em.