Anyhow, despite his complaints of George Washington teeth** he has not been to the dentist for years. Mind you, he's had dental insurance since June when he started his new job.
This weekend, he was complaining about something on the side of his tooth. Remembering I had purchased a dental pick about a year ago, he ransacked the house looking for it while I was out. Unable to find it, he asked me where I kept it so he could take care of his tooth. I said something along the lines of, "No way in hell! That is so gross! You CAN'T use my pick! EW! No! No! NOOOO! Go to the dentist****!"
So, after procrastinating for about four months, he finally broke down and called to schedule an appointment with a dentist whom was recommended to him. Turns out the practice doesn't take his insurance. Desperate for a way to unwood his teeth, he called my dentist--whom I may or may not loathe*****. The receptionist was very nice to him, and scheduled him for next Monday. When he told me this, I replied (via gchat):
Tell the dentist he hates your girlfriend. He always says mean things to me like "Unfortunately, I think you are going to live." ...Which just made me crack up laughing for some reason... I guess it IS funny after all!
*Just kidding! His teeth are really nice. See?!
**Actually, I heard that is a myth. George Washington didn't have wooden dentures. They were actually carved from the finest hippopotamus ivory and gold***. Now tell me, where did George's dentist come across a hippopotamus?
***George Washington was the first and only American President to sport a grill.
****He couldn't think of this on his own because he has a really tiny brain.
*****I don't like anyone who tries to convince me it is a good idea to take a laser to my face.