Dear Squirrel on Telephone Pole,
Why must you bark at me every morning? Is it because I took a handful of your acorns home with me Friday to put to use in my fall crafting? Please. Just stop. Also, I'm pretty sure you have rabies or something.
Woman That You've Barked at Two Workdays In A Row
P.S. Why do squirrels have vocal chords? It seems superfluous.
The pearls are fake. I'm pretty sure my grandma got them free with some perfume purchase or something. No, I don't have any spare change.
Why Are There So Many Homeless People On This Block?
Dear Glen and Marketa,
Words cannot express how beautiful your show was last night. I'm so thankful that I got a chance to see The Swell Season perform in Pittsburgh. I only found out about the concert last week. I probably would have sulked for months had I realized I missed my chance to hear "Falling Slowly" -- one of the few songs that can move me to tears. Was it unreasonable that I wanted you to play that song twice? I don't think so. After all, you play it roughly 39 times in your Oscar-winning film, Once.
Oh, and Marketa? "If You Want Me" took my breath away. Damn.
P.S. If it is true that you are dating in real life, my heart will explode. Because that would almost be as sweet as Gosling and McAdams.