Monday, August 11, 2008

What do you mean I have critters in my head, Mom?

We sat on the big round shaggy brown rug, singing about grey squirrels waving their bushy tails, farmers in the dell, and a particularly frightening song about an old woman who swallowed a fly. I sat between the smelly kid and the only kindergartener who thought himself to be Romeo. Times were tough in Miss Wilkie's A.M. Kindergarten.

My cascading brown hair barely swept the rug as I later sat in the same place for story time and show and tell.

The school nurse appeared in the doorway and asked to speak with Miss Wilkie in the hallway. Soon after, the entire classroom was sent to the nurse's office. We stood in line excitedly waiting to have the nurse go through our hair with chop-sticks. "How weird!" we all giggled.

One by one my tiny peers were led back up to the classroom.

"Amanda, your mom is coming to pick you up," the nurse explained softly.

I burst into tears. Why wasn't I allowed to join my friends upstairs? Why wasn't I allowed to make puppets out of lunch bags?

My mom arrived at the school a few minutes later. I ran to her crying, "I don't want to go home, mommy!" I begged her to let me stay and return to my "studies".

The rest of the day was spent quarantined in my pink bedroom while my mom washed all the stuffed animals, pieces of clothing, and bedding that I owned. Crying bloody-murder when she threw away all of my barretts and hair bows, I asked why she was doing this to me.

"Honey, you have some critters in your head."

"Critters?" I asked between sobs.

"Yes. Just some critters."

Later, my whole family was shampooed with a special critter-killing formula.

In time I got some new barrettes and went back to school--blaming the critters on the smelly kid.

Now, had I known the critter she spoke of looked more like this...

Rather than, oh say... this...

I might have had bigger concerns than my big floppy pink hair accessory being tossed in the garbage.

I'm not sure these toys are such a good idea... and why is Herpes smiling? What message are we sending here?

(Found these funny plushes on Rae's blog. Check it out.)


Ben said...

Holy cow those plush toys are hysterical!

Matt said...

You had to miss out on making puppets?

I'm so sorry. :(

Mermanda said...

Ben, sorry to break this to you, but if you were planning on giving Newf herpes... it's currently sold out.

Matt, I appreciate your empathy. In time, all wounds heal.

Anonymous said...

aww i was always scared that I'd go in for the lice test and get called out by a teacher like this! Well written little story!

Lauren said...

I was that girl once as well. I'm pretty sure the smelly kid gave them to me, too.

Rae // theNotice said...

Aww! Cutest story ever :)

Herpes isn't smiling... but if he was smiling, it would probably be because he's sadistic, gleaning joy from making lives miserable!

Mermanda said...

nritchie, Thanks. I think we can all relate to this fear. Not all of us were lucky enough to escape the critters!

Lauren, I bet you had long hair too. Dirty rug + Smelly kid + Long hair = Critters.

Rae, I admit I wasn't sure if it was my imagination... but it sure appeared to be smirking about something!

Anonymous said...

This was super entertaining! :) And I have been there so I know how it feels! My mom had me sit out in the sun while combing my very long thick hair with one of those tiny combs for hours! Ack

The plushies are kinda cute!! :)