Dear Natalie Dee,
I was willing to forgive you for not writing me back when I asked if you would consider illustrating a children's book I wanted to write (about poop). You are busy and quasi-famous. I am a huge fan. I have three of your t-shirt designs (and one of your husband's)! Many hours have been spent perusing your archives until I am so weak from laugher that I must surrender and do actual work.
But now you have double-crossed me, Ms. Dee. You have made a mockery of me and everything I stand for! Maybe you didn't know that my alter-ego is a panda from the sea... otherwise known as Merpanda. But wouldn't that make this quite the strange coincidence, Ms. Dee? Frankly, I'm not sure I buy it.
This is a warning. I'm thinking about taking you to Judge Judy--as I did not give you permission to use my likeness on your Web site. And to paint me as some cruel blood-thirsty animal? This. Means. War.