Today, I stumbled upon this forgotten gem:
Boyfriend: So, Sk8terboi's birthday is coming up. maybe i should throw him a surprise birthday party?
Me: aw... you cutie!
Boyfriend: so good idea?
Me: when is his bday
Boyfriend: the 25th
Me: hmm... let me know what i can do
Boyfriend: be there
Me: i want to offer my services
Boyfriend: help me hang the pinata?
me: sure. obviously ask the shortest person around to do that. makes sense.
Boyfriend: good point. well i wanted you to let me get on your back, duh... or sit on your shoulders or something. i don't have a step ladder--and you seem to have super strength
Me: it's an optical illusion
Boyfriend: ohhh... i think i get it now
Me: do you? do you think you could explain it to me?
Boyfriend: yes... when it looks like you are doing something a strong man would do it is because you are wearing the color green, while an actual strong man is crouching next to you wearing red. he does all the lifting, but since everyone walks around wearing glasses with one red lens and one green all the time, the eye naturally reassembles the images, blending them together to make it appear as if you were actually incredibly strong
Boyfriend: i didn't win the science fair for nothing, kid
Me: i'm impressed by the sheer effort and scientific knowledge that went into that bull shit
Boyfriend: thank you. it's a gift.