Monday, June 30, 2008

Ups and Downs

Good news: My identity hasn't been stolen (yet). I couldn't find my W2 forms that I made copies of last week for the apartment application. After a quick call to Kinkos, I learned my identity has been in the safe hands of the lost and found box. Phew!

Bad news: The Canadian couple were so awesome and loved the apartment. However, even though I made it very clear in the Craigs List ad that no pets are allowed--and reiterated that fact in person--they failed to mention they have a pet bird. Yes, birds are in fact pets. My landlady made this clear when she told them they would have to give their bird away or pass on the apartment. After sleeping on it, they agreed they couldn't part with their pet. I don't blame them. So the search goes on. In the meantime, my landlady is demanding July's rent, even though we paid her the final month's rent upon signing the lease a year ago. She claims that is now considered rent for July 2009 since our lease is self-renewing. Moral of the story: read the fine print unless you want financially raped.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Another apartment adventure

It's offical, folks. Boyfriend and I signed the lease yesterday. We are totally pumped. Oh, except for how our landlady wants to charge us $1,000 for terminating our current lease early. It seems we didn't read the fine print of the lease. It is self-renewing unless we give four months' written notice. Now maybe it's just me... but four months seems unreasonably early. Apartments that will be available four months from now won't be advertised until at least late August. Whatevs. We signed the contract. Now we are stuck...

Unless I can come up with some fantastic plan to convince the landlady not to charge us the $1,000....

Oh wait! I already did! After a grueling 45-minute conversation with her last night, we've reached an agreement. I do all of the legwork finding her some new credit-worthy tenants, and we are even. Woot Woot!

She doesn't seem to think I will have a very easy time finding decent prospects at this time of year because "all of the good apartment hunters started looking months ago." Personally, I don't understand that logic. Nice normal people who can pay their rent on time are liable to look at an apartment any time of year... except maybe the winter. Am I right?

Anyhow, boyfriend took some great photos of our current apartment and we slapped those suckers on Craigslist last night. Within TWO MINUTES I got my first reply. A Canadian PhD student and his wife are moving to Pittsburgh in August. We are showing them the apartment today, and showing four more times throughout the weekend. This is going to be too easy.

I've already showed you where I'm going to be living in three weeks. So,
I guess it is only fitting that I show you where I've called the past year home.

Thursday, June 26, 2008


IT'S MINE! ALL MINE!!! We got the apartment!!!


Thanks for the good vibes. You ladies are the best!

We can start moving our crap in July 12. Um... but first I guess we need to pack...


Keep those good vibes coming, ya'll

There are six other applicants trying to live in my apartment! This is not good, blog babes. Not good at all...

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Orange is the new sofa bed

First, thanks for all the good vibes you lovely bloggers are sending my way. I know it is too early to start thinking about how I am going to pimp out the guest room in the new apartment. We haven't even turned in our application yet... but it is not like me to be patient. So I will continue browsing the web for some cute furnishings like THIS:

LYCKSELE MURBO Sofa bed by Ikea

Floor Covering by Kakadu Designs

I love the sunset motif of the floor mat. I have the wall clock from Kakadu in this motif in my office. It brings a little color to my otherwise boring white walls. As beautiful as this floor mat is, the price is a little out of my budget. Maybe I can settle for this vase of same motif.

I saw the sign (and it opened up my eyes)

Oh gosh. That apartment was even nicer than I could have ever imagined. The investment firm that funded the complete renovation of the duplex brought in furniture, window treatments, and fresh cut flowers to push the wow factor up through the roof. No one has lived in this house since it has been completely gutted. Everything is brand new. New furnace. New oven. New fridge. New microwave. New dishwasher. New washer and dryer. New. New! NEW! No one's frozen chicken nuggets have ever touched the inside of the freezer. No one's soiled linens have ever touched the inside of the washing machine. No one's dirty body has ever been bathed in the shower. NEW!

The neighborhood is a few steps down from where I live now... and my commute time will more than double.

But alas, some things are worth the sacrifice. After convincing myself that a ten minute commute is the stuff dreams are made of, but a 25-minute commute is not exactly the worst thing in the world--we decided to fill out the application. We are up against six others, but I believe we have first dibs since we looked at it first and told the management first that we absolutely wanted it. Cross your fingers. We turn in the application tonight.

However, I am a creature of habit and the thought of packing up and moving to a new neighborhood in three weeks freaks me out a little. I am comfortable where I live. I know the guy I wait at the bus stop with is a lawyer and has a ghost that messes with his stereo. I know the family across the street met in grad school where they got their doctorates in chemistry--and will probably one day have their 3-year-old daughter memorize the periodic chart. I know the girls who live in the apartments above me NEVER take out their trash. NOT ONCE. I know my next-door neighbor's two dogs would love to eat me. I know what I am dealing with. The unknown is what scares me.

This morning I was thinking to myself that I would like a sign to know this move is the absolute right decision. Five minutes later I was texting boyfriend: "I smell a birthday/house warming party." EXCEPT... my stupid phone said "house warning." That's not a sign right?

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Actress? Or Mythical Creature? You decide!

Jenn has inspired me to share with you a little celebrity-look-alike goodness.

This particular comparison has been plaguing me for several years...

I present--the UMACORN!

Uma Thurman = Unicorn


Home sweet home

I absolutely love the tiny apartment that I share with boyfriend. It is far from perfect, but we've made it our home. There are lots of windows and a front and back porch. We've made good use of what little space we have... but still... we feel cramped now and then.

There is a "second bedroom" but it is just barely big enough to fit a few shelves and two portable closets, which are essential to make up for the lack of storage. The counter space in the kitchen is non-existent. Oh, and did you say linen closet? We don't have one. Who has ever heard of such a thing? Instead, we have a 20-year-old "linen dresser" that I've crammed our towels and bedding inside. It isn't ideal, but it works.

So, imagine boyfriend's chagrin when I tell him I have no interest in moving into a bigger place. I'm ten minutes from work and the neighborhood is adorable and safe. We don't have much room, but we get by. What's the problem?

Boyfriend made us an appointment to look at a new apartment tonight. It is impossible for me to not get excited when I look at the gorgeous photos of this place. It is straight out of a magazine. (Oh, and I think they might even allow pets! SQUEEEEE!!)

We aren't sure when the apartment is available, but boyfriend said, "Don't make plans for this weekend... we might be moving."

Oh, and it is only a few minutes away from where we live now. It's not the same adorable neighborhood, but it is a cute little walking community of its own, surrounded by parks, yummy restaurants, several bars, and a charming old movie theater.

Check out the photos :)

Friday, June 20, 2008

Save me from myself

Natalie Dee

I set goals for myself. When I look at that new swim equipment (bathing suit, goggles, ear plugs, swim cap, gym bag, lock for locker) and think of the TWO TIMES I have made it to the pool and the $100 (at least) that I spent on all that junk--it just makes me sick, frankly.

Why can't I just suck it up and take the plunge? (Corny pun. Sorry.)

At the beginning of the year, I set some very concrete goals for myself. Not my usual "eat healthier" or "be more cultured." No. These were four very black and white goals that at the end of the year I can either say "HOT DAMN! I DID IT!" or sadly, the more likely "Whatever. I knew I wouldn't do it anyhow." It's almost July, people! July! That's half of the year, gone. I'm starting to feel the pressure. Since I managed to neglect my blog for most of 2008, let me bring you all up to speed.

Amanda's resolutions for 2008:

Get a poem published
Read 50 books
Save $300 a month
Sell a crocheted item online or at a fair

Now a little mid-year reflection:

I know I could easily get a poem published in any old crappy webzine. Sorry if that sounds snobby, but I think the few polished poems I have under my belt are actually good. Like, good enough to get me into an MFA program if I had the will to punish myself for three years in grad school and then continue making absolutely no money. I want to get a poem published in a respected poetry publication. I just don't know where to start.

The reading... oh... the reading. I set this goal because I am ashamed at how poorly read I am for someone whose best subject in high school was AP English. It's really embarrassing how little "great literature" I've actually read. I am panicking because I have only just finished reading my 19th book of the year. That's only a handful behind schedule. I just need a little help from you lovelies to catch up. What are some awesome quick reads (plays, poetry collections, novellas, short story collections) that could help me get back on track? Bonus points for anything less than 200 pages! For a little clue on kind of stuff I enjoy and what I've already read, here's where I am so far:

50 books in 2008:

1. Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim (David Sedaris)
2. Holidays on Ice (David Sedaris)
3. The Glass Castle (Jeannette Walls)
4. The Five People You Meet in Heaven (Mitch Albom)
5. Me Talk Pretty One Day (David Sedaris)
6. Your Blues Ain't Like Mine (Bebe Moore Campbell)
7. The Perks of Being a Wallflower (Stephen Chbosky)
8. Then, Suddenly (Lynn Emanuel)
9. The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat And Other Clinical Tales (Oliver Sacks)
10. Lolita (Vladimir Nabokov)
11. The Little Book of Plagiarism (Richard Posner)
12. A Streetcar Named Desire (Tennessee Williams)
13. Fire Wheel (Sharmila Voorakkara)
14. I Like You (Amy Sedaris)
15. Tuesdays With Morrie (Mitch Albom)
16. Naked (David Sedaris)
17. Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (Tennessee Williams)
18. Happy Birthday, Wanda June (Kurt Vonnegut)
19. The Rum Diary (Hunter S. Thompson)

As for the last two items on the list... I save what I can and sometimes it's more than $300... but sometimes it's less. $300 is not a lot of money. I realize that. But is anyone else noticing how friggen expensive it is being an adult? I'm being bled dry.

Did someone say crochet? La, la, la... what?

(Ok, ok... it's in a bag in the back of my closet. My unfinished afghan will not being seeing daylight any time soon...)

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Bizarre fears. I has them.

Did you ever catch yourself doing something and have to laugh? It is a strange feeling--realizing you are weirder than you had previously thought. Luckily, I already know I'm a pretty strange bird, so there aren't too many surprises left.

The other day I caught myself running my fingers along the back of my waistline after leaving the bathroom. I realized I do this every time I exit the bathroom at work. Every time.

I also recently caught myself feeling overly-anxious about walking past a high-rise building, staying as close to the facade as possible as I moved through the street.

What's my problem? See below.

My top five most bizarre fears:

5. I will die of carbon monoxide poisoning in my apartment. (I smell weird things sometimes... I know carbon monoxide is odorless... you can't reason with my psyche.)
4. My apartment will catch on fire and I won't be able to get out. (The deadbolt sticks sometimes.)
3. I will trip on the sidewalk and fall on my face, breaking my teeth. (I have lots of tooth-related fears, actually. Nightmares too...)
2. I have toilet paper sticking out of the back of my pants. (It's happened!)
1. Someone will jump to their death from a tall building and accidentally land on me--killing me on the spot. (Morbid... I know.)

What are your most unique fears?

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Hate working out? Eat a cookie!

I'm about at the halfway point in my physical therapy adventure. Only five more weeks... and I am surprised to say this... but I'm going to actually miss dragging my butt to PT twice a week. What? Who would say such a thing?

I've been blessed with probably the most awesome physical therapist in the whole world! Or at least Pittsburgh. Her upbeat attitude makes me look forward to our sessions, and she knows how to keep challenging me without making me resent her. Sometimes when she introduces me to a particularly difficult exercise, she does them right along side of me saying, "I just had a baby! I need to work my abs too!" (P.S. She is like 100 lbs and once said to me, "I think you are taller than me." To which I replied, "WHAT!? I'm not taller than anyone!")

Oh, and did I mention that she rewarded me with a cookie today? I really did deserve it--she made me stand on this upside down ball thing with a board on top of it (I know, that is a horrible description, see below for a better idea of what I'm talking about it). Once I found my center, she told me to do ten squats while nearly wobbling to my death. I looked so completely ridiculous that the other people on the PT staff were clearly amused by watching me. Because most of the staff is either my age or just a few years older than me, I usually feel like one of the gang. So naturally, after others laughed at my expense, I requested to see them give the bosu board a try. And guess what? They are such good sports that they each took their turn teetering upon the contraption for my amusement. There was much giggling.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Optical Illusion

Gmail is perfect for a sentimental pack-rat like myself. I never have to delete anything (except when the occasional bout of OCD strikes). When I need a reason to smile, reading old chats and e-mail exchanges from boyfriend is a sure thing.

Today, I stumbled upon this forgotten gem:

Boyfriend: So, Sk8terboi's birthday is coming up. maybe i should throw him a surprise birthday party?
Me: aw... you cutie!
Boyfriend: so good idea?
Me: yes
Boyfriend: cool
Me: when is his bday
Boyfriend: the 25th
Me: hmm... let me know what i can do
Boyfriend: be there
Me: i want to offer my services
Boyfriend: help me hang the pinata?
me: sure. obviously ask the shortest person around to do that. makes sense.
Boyfriend: haha
Me: ;)
Boyfriend: good point. well i wanted you to let me get on your back, duh... or sit on your shoulders or something. i don't have a step ladder--and you seem to have super strength
Me: it's an optical illusion
Boyfriend: ohhh... i think i get it now
Me: do you? do you think you could explain it to me?
Boyfriend: yes... when it looks like you are doing something a strong man would do it is because you are wearing the color green, while an actual strong man is crouching next to you wearing red. he does all the lifting, but since everyone walks around wearing glasses with one red lens and one green all the time, the eye naturally reassembles the images, blending them together to make it appear as if you were actually incredibly strong
Boyfriend: i didn't win the science fair for nothing, kid
Me: i'm impressed by the sheer effort and scientific knowledge that went into that bull shit
Boyfriend: thank you. it's a gift.

Monday, June 16, 2008

It's ok to laugh on Mondays

I hate the words "web comics." Those words just sound about as funny as a colonoscopy. But if you could just humor me for a minute, there are two cartoonists that write four.. uh, web comics that make my Mondays a little less Mondayish. If you enjoy these, there are pleeeennnty more where they came from. (Natalie and Drew also post some rather amusing videos on You Tube, FYI.)

I have spent hours searching for my favorite comics from "Natalie Dee," "Toothpaste For Dinner," "Married to the Sea," and "Where are the Dogs Humping." (You're welcome!)

Natalie Dee
Natalie Dee

Natalie Dee

Natalie Dee

Toothpaste For Dinner
Toothpaste For Dinner

Toothpaste For Dinner

Toothpaste For Dinner

Married to the Sea
Married To The Sea

Married To The Sea

Married To The Sea

*Where Are The Dogs Humping

Where Are The Dogs

Hope this helps you ease into the week with a few laughs... or at least a smile. (I'll take what I can get.)

*I had to remove a few of the WATDH comics because I was having trouble getting them to display correctly.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Let's do this

Thanks again to rialeilani for showing me some blogging love. I'm the new kid on the block and I feel like this community has welcomed me with open arms. The Polynesian Princess rules because she didn't rub it in my face when her team won the Stanley Cup--and she has a degree in journalism and a soft spot for animals just like me.

Now on with the show! I'm passing this oh-so-warm-and-fuzzy award on to ten worthy bloggers.

ExSchutz because she was my first bloggy friend and I love reading about Heather's amusing trials and tribulations as a 20-something-not-so-newlywed. Oh, and she also has kick-ass taste in music.

You are flawed if you are not free because Jenn cracks me with her illustrations of her gym escapades and we share a love of reading and LOL cats. She also makes me smile often with her regular comments on this lil blog.

Oh! How Lovely! because Jamie is a total sweetheart. You know I'm new around here, but I'm guessing Jamie has won this particular blogging award no less than a bazillion times. Who wouldn't love her? She is also near and dear to my heart as a fellow etsy-fanatic. And have you seen that dog of hers? Too freakin' cute.

The Typing Makes Me Sound Busy because J-Money can make me laugh so hard that my coworkers have probably decided that I've completely lost my mind. Her wit and candor inspired me to revive my woefully abandoned blog. And now look at me! An "award-winning" blogger! It's all happening so fast! :)

Mrs. Priss because Morgan is my twin--except for the fact that I'm not preggerz. She shares my love for *Mitch Hedberg and knows what it is like to have legs the size of a weiner dog's. Her blog chronicles her adventures in maternity land.

Quirkology because Laura is always sharing really unique finds with her readers. I don't know how you keep doing it, lady, but keep 'em coming!

marGOt To Bed because she is a spunky music enthusiast and I can sympathize with her ear troubles. Happy healing, dear!

Half Deserted Streets because Lauren was a freakin' circus acrobat and if that isn't rad enough, she is crazy for dinosaurs. I'm from Pittsburgh, the land of Andrew Carnegie. You better believe I have mad respect for dinos too.

SillyGrrl because her blog is eclectic, always interesting, and she has great taste and a knack for finding the truly beautiful and sharing it with her readers. Oh, and the grrl has an Emmy! What?

Lens Impressions by bFlat because she takes such lovely photos and the fact that we have the same camera makes me think that maybe one day I can take such pretty photos toooo.

*RIP Mitch
"Listerine hurts, man. When I put Listerine in my mouth, I'm fucking angry. Germs do not go quietly." ~ Mitch Hedberg

In an attempt to heal my sore throat last night, I gargled with bumble bees... I mean Listerine. [Expletive!] That stuff is intense. I took a mouthful and thought to myself, "Swish for 30 seconds... go!... one mississippi... two missasip... SPIT! OWWWWWWIE! BURNING! STINGING! If there is anyone out there who can swish for the full 30 seconds, please share your tips and secrets. That stuff is too serious for me.

Would sell my soul for Sudafed

Q. What makes my body feel like it was hit by a bus and my head feel like it might float away at any second?
A. F'n allergies.

I haven't suffered like this in years. I don't know what is going on with the pollen and mold count but GOOD GOD! Maybe the winter isn't so bad after all...

A really cool symptom of my allergies is post-nasal drip that just won't quit. Yesterday I realized I've also been feeling queasy for days. I popped over to Wikipedia like a good detective to see if this could be related to my allergies. SURPRISE! IT IS!

An individual may be diagnosed as suffering from post-nasal drip if they suffer from the following symptoms.

* Swallowing constantly
* Spitting (mucus) constantly
* Tickling in the throat
* Constant clearing of throat
* Mucus feeling in the back of the throat
* Difficulty in breathing
* Congestion in the nasal and sinus passages
* Chronic sore throat
* Crystals found in the tonsils that are generally yellow or white (commonly called tonsil stones, or tonsilloliths)
* Bad breath
* Coughing
* Feeling nauseated due to accumulation of mucus in stomach
* Vomiting due to excessive mucus in stomach
* Cobblestone appearance of the oropharyngeal mucosa[6]

Now doesn't that sound attractive? Tonsil stones. Yum.

Ok, that's all I have for you right now, but check back later for a special post where I pick ten of my favorite bloggers to pass on the "I love you this much award," which the lovely Ria bestowed upon me more than a week ago. (I finally signed up for Google Reader, so now I will never miss another post from you ladies again!)

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Where did it go?

My motivation? Have you seen it? I'm thinking it is probably too late to post "LOST" posters because I haven't seen my motivation since college.

How did I go from acing college classes while juggling a staff position on the student newspaper and the full-time job of being a resident assistant in a freshmen dorm--to not being able to write more than one sentence before completely losing my concentration and drive? I'm not talking about blogging... for some reason that just comes naturally. I'm talking about w-o-r-k. Don't get me wrong... I'm damn good at my job. I just don't know why graduating Magna Cum Laude was my brain's signal that it was time to go on hiatus. Hey brain! I need you! I know 16 years of school was tough, and you do deserve a break... but you've been gone for three years now. Please come home!

I just can't concentrate on things like I used to. The college me could pile up three text-books, a poetry anthology, and two writing assignments and plow through them with impressive speed. The adult me stares at the computer screen wondering why it has taken me four hours to write 150 words. (Is anyone else completely obsessed with the word count feature on Word? I literally check it after each sentence. "OH! I'm 43 percent done with this article!" Sick.)

I have been drinking green tea by the gallon. I think it is supposed to keep you sharp... but I can't find any evidence of that online, so maybe I made that up. In that case, I've been going through 4 tea-bags a day for nothing... oy.

Anyhow, today I was struggling with getting the words out of my head and on to the computer screen. Lunch time rolled around, and though I promised myself I would wait to go on lunch until I was done with my assignment (which isn't even due until Tuesday)--I abandoned my work 75.6% complete.

I have a blanket that I keep in my office for amazing days like today. I grabbed it and headed to a grassy area a short walk away and plopped down with my book (still working on The Rum Diary.) After a few chapters, my eyes began to close. Rather than fight it, I set the alarm on my cell phone and curled up on my blanket for the rest of the lunch hour. The alarm went off and I hit snooze. (No surprise there!)

I made it back to the office looking a little disheveled from the catnap. I sat down at my desk to continue and finish my assignment when it occurred to me. Afternoon catnaps in the park may seem like a good idea at the time, but they really do nothing to boost my motivation levels. Oops!

Photo of me enjoying a similarly lovely day in the Burgh last summer.

Photo by Karen H.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Behold the Sedaris Sun Chip

When David Sedaris gave me the Sun Chip at his reading, I immediately ate half of it and carefully placed the other half in my purse.

*Slip 'n Bleed

As I briefly mentioned yesterday, my weekend was totally sah-weeeeet. Boyfriend and our good friend (Sk8terboi) threw a life-changing summer kickoff picnic Saturday. Activities included a surprise musical guest (the wound is still too fresh to discuss this in detail), a pot luck dinner/cookout, cornhole, football, wiffle ball, karaoke, and a 40-foot slip 'n slide.

It needs to be said that I was a seriously awesome pitcher during the wiffle ball game. (I struck out my very sports-crazed and intensely competitive friend Chris three times! Score for the girls' team!)

Though we almost got into a messy fight with some six-year-olds over the baseball field at the park, the only bled shed occurred on the slip 'n slide.

Imagine a group of grown men throwing their bodies mercilessly down a 40-FOOT slip 'n slide. It isn't pretty. Though it may be blasphemous to say this, my boyfriend literally looked like he had just been taken down from the cross when the whole ordeal was through. Three days later, and he's still walking like an arthritic 80-year-old man.

My very brave friend Bri stripped down to her bathing suit and showed the men that they weren't the only ones dumb enough to sacrifice their bodies in the name of summer fun. Inspired by Bri, me and my friends Karen and Kristen soon followed. I am proud to say that I escaped with only a dime-sized bruise on my knee, though did not throw myself at the slip 'n side with as much disregard for my body as did the boys--whom are now crippled.

The following photos are credited to my friends Stephanie, Annie, and Megan. Enjoy!

A series of pain

Karaoke makes Dwight a little slap-happy...

The very special musical guest

*Title of the post is respectfully attributed to Annie L.

Monday, June 9, 2008

David Sedaris Loves SunChips

This weekend was incredible. Everyone should have such a weekend in their lives at least once. I was surrounded by great friends, family, and a 40 ft. slip 'n slide. But more on that later... right now I want to tell you about my encounter with David Sedaris, my favorite contemporary author.

I ran to the book store weeks ago for the pre-sale of Sedaris' new book, When You Are Engulfed in Flames. Buying the book early secured my place in the front of the line at his reading June 8 at Joseph-Beth Booksellers.

The reading was hilarious. I don't know how he can keep cranking out such lol-worthy books, but the man did it again. I can't wait to sink my teeth into the new book... but I have to finish The Rum Diary first (Book #19 of the "50 Books in 2008" mission.)

Anyhow, Sedaris is truly everything I hoped he would be. He is kind (carried his chair 20 feet over his head through the crowd so a older woman in the audience could sit during his reading). He has a quick wit and gave very amusing answers to the audience's questions. He is willing to let his readers in on his secrets (he read the audience excerpts of his diary).

When it was my turn to have my book signed, Sedaris was munching on SunChips--one of my favorite snacks. I said, "Oh, I love these too!" He said, "That's something we have in common!" He asked me a few questions about what I do for a living, and then signed my book: "To Amanda, We love SunChips. David Sedaris."

I was laughing as I read what he wrote, and he handed me a chip as we parted ways.

How freaking awesome is that? I have so much love for that man. ::Swoon::

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

It's the little things

I am a pretty easygoing gal. I have a pretty good sense of humor about most things in life--no matter how frustrating or bleak of a situation. What's that? You say a teenage patient has locked the volunteers in the activity room of the hospital and my ride is waiting for me outside? Ha! Cute kids...

Did you say there is toilet water leaking through the ceiling of my apartment into my living room? Again!? Really! Hahaha! Guess I better call the landlord...

Those things really don't bother me. But... why is it when I go to talk to a coworker and have to stop by his office a dozen times before actually catching him in office, my blood begins to boil?

Why is it that when I haven't left my office for four hours--and the phone hasn't rang once--I have three messages on my voicemail when I return from a three minute visit to the bathroom? How can the universe be so precise?

::Deep breaths::

Really, I'm fine. Maybe I'll go check his office again. 13th time is a charm...

Monday, June 2, 2008

100 Things

1. Squirrels are my good luck charm. If one scurries across my path, I know it will be a good day.

2. I couldn’t go swimming from fifth grade until my junior year in college due to a perforated eardrum.

3. I kicked and screamed like a two-year-old while the doctor was trying to fix my eardrum. It was an outpatient procedure with no anesthesia. The nurse and my ex-fiancé (see below) had to literally hold my legs and head to the table so the doctor could do his thang.

4. I had a 60 percent hearing loss in my right ear from the perforation. When they patched the hole (with cigarette paper, actually), my hearing improved significantly. On the way home, everything sounded so loud, including the tires on the road, I cried and secretly hoped the patch wouldn’t work. (It takes three weeks for your brain to adjust your hearing.)

5. I sleep with a t-shirt over my face to block out the light.

6. I’ve had plastic surgery to correct an automobile accident injury. (Rhinoplasty.)

7. I bite.

8. I am obsessed with the idea of being on Deal or no Deal.

9. I blow my nose a lot. My dad says he’s saving a lot of money on tissues now that I’ve moved out.

10. I clip my toenails on the couch, even though it disgusts my boyfriend.

11. I was engaged for two years in college. He broke it off and though I was devastated, I now consider it to be the biggest favor anyone has ever done for me.

12. My first celebrity crushes were Michael J. Fox and Scott Baio.

13. Don’t play too rough with me. I bruise like a peach.

14. I wanted to minor in art history in college, but I have no artistic skills and knew I would probably fail the studio arts courses.

15. I hold grudges.

16. I volunteer weekly at Children’s Hospital.

17. No comedians can make me laugh like Mitch Hedberg (RIP) and Ellen DeGeneres.

18. I used to get put in the corner during weekly girl scout troop meetings. I was quiet as a mouse in school, and I had to let the bad come out somewhere.

19. If I went on Survivor, my one personal item would be a huge jar of Vaseline. I am addicted to their lip therapy, and would honestly run to the drug store immediately if I ever realized I didn’t have one in my purse. I apply it about a dozen times a day.

20. Sometimes I cry because friends let me down.

21. My mom is one of my best friends.

22. I am obsessed with my eyebrows. I consider them my worst feature and am constantly attempting to make them look normal.

23. Styrofoam is seriously sick. Touching it or hearing it squeak makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

24. My first CD was the Fugees, followed by Celine Dion and No Doubt. A friend in high school borrowed the Celine Dion album and claimed she had “lost it.”

25. When I was little, my mom only listened to Christian praise songs, Michael Bolton, and Tracy Chapman. I still love Tracy Chapman and listen to her all of the time.

26. I won the drama award in 7th grade for my role in the play “Ducktails & Bobbysox.”

27. As a young girl, I loved reading the Babysitter’s Club books. My favorite book in the series is “Boy-Crazy Stacey.”

28. I almost applied to get my MFA in poetry. I quit the application halfway through. My portfolio was almost done.

29. I want a job where I feel like I am making a difference in people’s lives.

30. I am convinced I am going to die every time I go on airplanes, elevators in buildings with more than 5 floors, and roller coasters with very steep drops.

31. My best friends from high school want nothing to do with me. I miss them and dream about them almost every night.

32. Three places I want to go in the near future: California, Hawaii, and Italy.

33. I use ellipses way too much.

34. I hate shopping for pants because I am so freakin’ short.

35. I want to have children one day, but just the thought of being a mom exhausts me to no end.

36. I am a surprisingly excellent thumb wrestler.

37. I used to get made fun of in gym class.

38. When I stay at a hotel, I keep my socks under my pillow in case I need to go to the bathroom. Never walk barefoot in a hotel! Gross!

39. Sponges are disgusting and harbor bacteria. It makes me want to puke when I see people use them to wash dishes.

40. Music is essential to my life.

41. Josh Ritter kissed me.

42. Regina Spektor hugged me.

43. Mark Curry (Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper) thinks I’m smokin’.

44. So does Hines Ward, according to my boyfriend.

45. I hate reading/watching fantasy books/movies.

46. Burning wood is one of the best smells in the world.

47. I’ve been published in a few magazines. One that you might have even heard of!

48. I am the most sensitive/emotional person that I know. Sometimes this makes my life harder than it needs to be.

49. I enjoy asking my boyfriend really dumb “would you rather” questions. They usually start out like this: “Would you rather eat nothing but baby food for a year OR….” My boyfriend really hates the “baby food game.”

50. When I am not sure what kind of music I am in the mood for, I reach for Bob Dylan.

51. I have a huge girl crush on Mandy Moore.

52. Caffeine has no effect on me.

53. I am in love with Gilmore Girls and seriously sobbed my eyes out when the last show aired.

54. I hate when people say, “Think outside the box.”

55. I like to make fun of my boyfriend for having small ears. (Seal ears!)

56. I wish my job was more challenging… but sometimes I’m relieved it isn’t.

57. I can haz tacos?

58. Eyes disgust me. I will never wear contacts and I can’t put in eye drops under ten tries.

59. I have a ghost.

60. If I could be any dinosaur, I’d be a pterodactyl.

61. I still harbor ill feelings towards my high school archenemy.

62. I sometimes wonder if I am a hypochondriac.

63. I believe in aliens.

64. Litterbugs enrage me.

65. I hate the smell of maple syrup. Gag.

66. I make the best grilled cheese sandwiches ever.

67. I wish I was tone and fit… but I can’t stick with a workout program long enough to see results.

68. I am pretty decent at smacking a wiffle ball out of the park.

69. I have a bird tattoo on my foot. I got it before I graduated college to remind me of my college town, Athens, Ohio.

70. I have no rhythm.

71. I drink red wine and wheat beer.

72. I never turn down chocolate. (Well, once. But that’s another story…)

73. I love olives of all colors, shapes, and sizes.

74. I was a resident assistant in college.

75. I can never tell when my dad or boyfriend is joking. I hate that they have that in common.

76. I am always cold. I blast my space heater all year long.

77. I want a ton of pets one day.

78. I look ridiculous in baseball caps.

79. I love funky eye shadow.

80. I look good in purple.

81. Despite my few guilty pleasures, I think I have really good taste in music. (Please ignore my N’Sync CDs and previous mention of Celine Dion…)

82. I have horrible posture.

83. I am trying to live greener.

84. I am scared of pretty much everything.

85. I listen to Death Cab for Cutie’s “Plans” almost daily.

86. Iron and Wine’s “The Trapeze Swinger” is the most beautiful song I’ve ever heard. I cried when I heard it live.

87. My favorite shoes are red patent leather peep toe flats that I got on clearance at Filene’s basement.

88. I could sleep for days. I never feel rested.

89. I’ve never stolen anything. (Unless you count pirating music and personal wireless Internet connections.)

90. Vanilla Hazelnut is my coffee of choice.

91. Sometimes I wake up feeling like I was just talking to God. (That’s weird, right?)

92. I am trying to read 50 books in 2008. It’s June and I’m only on number 19.

93. I can kill a plant in record time--without even trying!

94. I have to eat every few hours or else I get shaky and weird.

95. I’m very sentimental and keep everything.

96. I am always told that I write backwards… I’m still not sure how that happened.

97. I can waste an entire day reading Natalie Dee, Toothpaste For Dinner, and Married to the Sea comics online.

98. I’ve not yet left the United States. (I’ve never even been to Canada.)

99. I have short stubby legs like a daschund.

100. I want to name my future dog Patrick Swayze.